That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
