i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
