so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
