She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
