threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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