I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
