Already got asked if we're dating
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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