Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
