That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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