Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize