Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
accomplished twins. life is a go
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
