They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
