Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
