Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
