so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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