god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
