I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
