My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
