I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
