I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
