The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
