They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
