i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
