you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
