Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
