Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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