It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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