He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Randomize