youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
