is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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