I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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