im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
