Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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