Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
