I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
