You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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