If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
