I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize