What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
