Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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