then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize