I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
