Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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