I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
