Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Randomize
