you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
