if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
