Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
