...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
