I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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