So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
