I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
