i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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