Im at strip club and am horny
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
