How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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