it's not cheating when I paid for it
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
