Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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