i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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