the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
