He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
