kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize