Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
