Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
