Jerry, you need to find god
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
