i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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