Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
