I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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