My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I deserve this hangover.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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