i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
