and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
