Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
