the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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