I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
